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Dealing With Officials | Development of the Youth Athlete | Sportsmanship | Nutrition | Athletic Philosophy

Developing A Positive Relationship With Youth Sport Officials
By Dr. Keith Wilson

Necessary Evils?
Cats and dogs. Oil and water. Parents and youth sports officials. Some things just don't mix. Parents and officials never seem to be on the same page. There always seems to be some tension between them. It often seems to parents that the person officiating must be seeing a different game than they are. Every call seems to go against their child's team. Go to just about any youth sports contest and you are bound to hear parents make comments about the official like the following: "Hey, ref, you must be blind!" or "Hey, ref. You want to borrow my glasses?"
"Ref, are you going out drinking with the other coach after this game?" And when their child's team has lost the game, you will often hear this comment: "It is the ref's fault we lost the game. If he hadn't made that call, we would have won the game." A cynic would say that refs and parents are the necessary evils of youth sports. Refs are necessary to make sure that one side goes away from the contest feeling their team was cheated, and parents are necessary to provide the players and transport them to and from the game.

Officials Are People Too
But before you jump to agree with this characterization, keep in mind the following:  No matter the sport, there will always be older people on the field to see that the game is played fairly and by the rules. Sometimes the officials are volunteers and not as well trained as they should be.  In other leagues they may be well trained, sanctioned by an officiating organization or the league.  Each league has its own way of finding referees.  The general rule is the higher the level of competitive play, the more likely the officials are trained and paid and a member of an official's organization. But, whatever the level, remember that officials are people with whom you work, or go to church, or parents of your child's classmates in school want to make youth sports a positive experience, just like you are trying their best to be fair and have feelings just like everyone else.

Youth Referees: Lots Of Advantages
Some youth sports, like soccer, often employ young people as referees. They are usually players who have been trained to ref games of younger players. In soccer, the general rule is the ref needs to be at least two years older (preferably more) than the players. Using youth refs has lots of advantages. It increases the number of refs available to the league.  It teaches young people more about the game.  Affords young people the chance to make money in a game they enjoy playing.  Youth officiating lets young people give something back to the game.  It allows the young ref to appreciate the challenges of being a referee so when they are playing they are more likely to treat the referee with respect.

Parental Abuse Of Youth Refs: A Big Problem
Unfortunately, parents are driving new referees out of the game in increasing numbers. This is bad for the game and for the kids who have had their self-esteem battered by abusive parents. The percentage of those who are trained and drop out of officiating within one year is staggering. Young refs will often officiate at games of 8 and 10 year olds. Parents of children this age can be particularly merciless on the refs. All too often, they lose perspective on why their child is out there. They will yell and scream at every call. The problem is often made worse by parents who do not know the rules specific to the age group of the children playing. For example:  In U-8 soccer the offside rule is not enforced. For a parent who knows a little about soccer, this can cause undue screaming about a rule that is not even being enforced!  In football it might be the rule that protects punters; or in basketball it might be a "no press" rule. It is sad when the parent's own ignorance of the rules drives them to abuse the young official.

Abusing Officials Usually Backfires
Too often, the parent on the sideline believes that if they attack the character of the referee, the referee will start to call the game for the people who are abusing him. In all of my contact with officials, whether at speaking engagements or in watching them officiate, I have yet to meet a ref who has changed a call because he was emotionally abused by a parent or coach. Indeed, quite the opposite is true: the natural tendency of a ref is to make the call for the less abusive team when the call could go either way. If the abusive parent is trying to influence the ref to make calls for their team they have chosen the wrong way of doing it. The only situation, in my experience, where the abusive strategy works is when the official (oftentimes a young one) becomes intimidated. An intimidated ref is even less likely to call a good game because he/she is afraid of making a mistake. An intimidated ref is likely to not make good calls and the bad taste the experience leaves is very likely to drive him or her from the game, if not the next game, then the one after that, or at the end of the season.

Treating Officials With Respect Is The Key
There is only one acceptable way to treat youth sports officials: with respect.  The coach sets the tone. When the coach understands the principle of mutual respect, he or she is more likely to be in control of his players and the parents. The parents will take the cues from the coach. If the coach is abusive, the parents are likely to follow suit and be abusive. If the coach does not tolerate this behavior, the parents will be better behaved.  If the coach goes out of the way to tell the official that he or she appreciates what the official is doing, then the contest will start off on a positive note. The coach should also let the official know before the game starts that the parents will control themselves and not be abusive. That way the official will know that the coach is in control of the sidelines and that he or she wants a positive environment for the young players, as well as for the official.  When mutual respect is established, the official will be better able to give his or her best in calling a good and fair contest. If parents are generally supportive of the official and he or she then hears someone question a call from the sidelines, he or she is more likely to pay attention to this type of problem on the field. The parents have gained credibility with the official because they have not complained about every call. Consequently, the official will think more about the last call to determine if it was in error.

Successful Development Of the Young Athlete: Guidelines For Parents
By Shane Murphy, Ph. D.

• Phase One (Exploration)

• Phase Two (Commitment)

• Phase Three (Proficiency)

• Common Principles

An interesting and useful way of thinking about the development of the young athlete has been proposed by Jon Hellstedt. Because it is impossible to look at the development of the young athlete without also taking into account the changes experienced by the parents and siblings, Hellstedt looks at the development of the young athlete as an issue for the entire family.

In the model Hellstedt has developed, he describes three main stages of development for the typical family with youth athletes: Phase One (Exploration), Phase Two (Commitment), and Phase Three (Proficiency).

Phase One (Exploration)

Overview

• Most important stage of the athletic family’s development, usually occurring between ages 4 and 12

• Child tries different sports, explores his or her skills

• Ages are only guides

• In some sports, like gymnastics, children tend to be very young when they get involved competitively,

• In other sports, like cross-country skiing, athletes are usually much older when they reach a competitive level

• Child may experience several cycles of development in different sports (e.g. play soccer at 5, tennis at 7, track at 13).

Problem Areas

Bad experiences with sports at an early age can turn an individual away from sports involvement forever. The two main culprits leading to bad experiences for children are:

• Overemphasis on competition. The best way for a good young athlete to progress is not to introduce him to competition as soon as possible. Competition can hinder talent development because at in higher-level competitive leagues, children often to have to sit on the bench to allow other children to play. The child cannot learn and develop from sitting on the bench and would be better served by participating in activities that keep him involved.

• Bad coaching. Good coaching is obviously important for the development of athletic skills. As sport psychologists like Ron Smith and Frank Smoll have found, the better coaches help keep children interested in a sport. Children are more likely to keep playing for good coaches. There is no chance for a gifted athlete to develop her talents if she drops out of a sport. Good coaches promote talent development by promoting continued participation.

Guidelines For Parents

• Introduce your child to a variety of sports: There are many sport and physical activities beyond traditional sports. Consider a variety of choices for children A diversity of sports experiences paves the way for young people to find activities they will enjoy throughout life.

• Emphasize fun and skill development: it keeps children involved and active. Encourage intrinsic motivation at an early age. Will your child continue to be fit and active as an adult? Bad experiences with sports at an early age can turn a child away from sports involvement forever.

• Nourish the dreams of the child, not your own; to do that, you need to communicate with your child.

• Minimize competition. Children are not emotionally and cognitively ready to compete at this age. Work on building skill development; look for programs that support this philosophy.

• Ensure good coaching for continued participation and skill development. Be proactive in finding good coaches who share your values.

Phase Two (Commitment Phase)

Overview

• Increasing commitment of young athlete to her chosen sport.

• Extent of commitment is major issue faced by family, especially for the talented athlete.

Problem Areas

• Excessive conflict

• Parents, and sometimes coaches, may have a different set of expectations or goals than the athlete, which often leads to conflict.

• The athlete has to have, or rediscover, his own personal reasons for playing sports. In other words, she needs to see that participation has intrinsic, personal value.

• Only the strongest and most confident children have the skills to resist expectations of their parents and to fight for their own dreams.

• Burnout

• Where the child gives up on her own dreams and adopts the goals of her parents or coach, she is doomed to failure and burnout often results.

• When the external reasons for playing (to get a scholarship, to win a game, to impress a scout, to please a father) predominate over the intrinsic reasons (what I call the externalization of sports) burnout becomes likely.

• If athlete feels in control so that he views participation as part of his self-development, then sports can be a healthy part of growing up. If the athlete feels controlled, and feels that he is not making the decisions or developing as an individual, burnout is more likely. A study of fifteen adolescent athletes, who had been age-group champions in their sport but had then quit, found that the way high-level sports were organized contributed to the their decision to quit: they felt little control over their own lives, and felt that they had little identity outside of being an athlete. This lack of control and restricted identity cause a great deal of stress, and the sport ceased to be fun.

• Under-Involved Parents

• When parents display no interest whatsoever in the sporting activities of their children, it is very difficult for the young athlete to become committed to a sport. This can place a great burden on the coach, who often feels for the athlete and tries to make up for the parents’ lack of support.

• When parents are not involved in their child’s activities, the few coaches who are likely to abuse a young athlete have an increased opportunity to engage in such abuse. This is why I encourage parents to form a good relationship with their child’s coaches, and why I encourage coaches to be open to parents who want to know what goes on at practices and on trips to tournaments.

Guidelines For Parents

• Encourage participation. Promote your child’s interest in physical activities. This can be a challenge during a time of a child’s development when there are many competing demands on a child’s time.

• Don’t push. Tap into your child’s natural love of physical activity and play. Unfortunately, many youth sports programs turn children off by being boring, repetitive, overly demanding, or insensitive to their needs. Look for “child centered” programs that emphasize fun and skill development.

• Provide emotional support: As your child deals with competition, be there with emotional support. Focus on helping your child learn valuable life skills.

• Involve your child in decision-making regarding sport choices. This is the age for the child to learn to be self-reliant.

• Reinforce and support your child’s decisions and commitment. This is the time to learn about perseverance, commitment and delayed gratification.

• Recognize likely shift in influence. Your child will start looking more to peers, teachers and coaches for guidance.

• Communicate with coaches. Keep building good communication with coaches; teach your child to do likewise.

Phase Three: Proficiency

Characteristics

• Athletics become the central feature of talented athlete’s life. When an athlete is talented and strives to develop that talent to the fullest, this phase requires long hours of training, intense coaching or studying of the sport, and participation in very competitive events. The athletic role becomes a central feature of the young person’s life.

• Goal setting becomes important for the average athlete. For most athletes, however, this phase involves becoming good enough to reach one’s goals, whether that goal be playing on an intramural team or being good enough to make the high school junior varsity.

Problem areas

• Unsupportive parents. Parents who are critical of their child’s efforts, who react negatively to continued participation, and who express doubts about the potential for success can be an obstacle.

• Overly competitive youth sports programs. Instead of promoting mass participation, most focus on a talented few (often failing them as well) and ignore the needs of the rest. Such programs turn young people away from sports in huge numbers. Limited resources and facilities deny many youth athletes opportunities to participate. Children will stop dropping out youth sports programs if the programs meet their needs. If adults stop organizing these programs on the basis of their own needs, great changes are possible. Perhaps such changes can also begin to permeate our high school and colleges. Can you imagine what such institutions might be like if sports programs were developed for all students, not just for an elite few who provide entertainment for the rest?

Guidelines For Parents

• The goal for a healthy young adult is personal competence. Support the emotional and financial independence of your child.

• Provide continued emotional support and a refuge from the pressures of competition

• Accept the authority of the coach and become less prominent in the decision-making. Focus on parenting rather than coaching. An effective parent sets limits and expectations.

Common Principles

Some fundamental principles apply, regardless of the phase. The most basic is the notion that the young individual must be supported to gradually assume responsibility for making her own decisions and setting her own goals. If parents, coaches, or administrators impose their own goals and ignore what the young athlete wants, problems are sure to follow. Responsibility must be taught and modeled during the exploration phase, encouraged during the commitment phase, and supported during the proficiency phase

Parents are the answer to woes of youth sports
By Christopher D. Kouns (DOC)

Right now in America someone is talking about a hockey dad fight in Massachusetts, a junior varsity basketball parent fight between North Clayton and Westlake high schools or some other sporting event gone amuck with parents at the center of the controversy. Every time we pick up the paper or turn on the news it is there in front of us and the media cannot stop stating “parents are the problem in youth sports today.”   When we look at the current trend in youth sports in this manner it is easy to follow along with the crowd and say yes parents are what is wrong with youth sports today.  But, as anyone who has known me for any length of time can attest, I have never been one to follow the crowd!

Instead I would offer to all who would listen that parents are not the problem in youth sports today… I say parents are the answer to the problems in youth sports today! Yes, you heard me correctly I said parents are the answer to the woes of youth sports today and if you will indulge me for a few lines further I will tell you why.

You can ask any parent involved in the terrible examples of sportsmanship listed above if they went to their child’s event looking for trouble and I can guarantee you their honest answer would be no.  Parents are not evil creatures.  Parents are not out to ruin sports.  Parents are at those events to support the children they love and be a part of their lives.  His or her emotions ebb and flow with every missed goal, made basket and foul.  Their pride swells with their child’s success and their anguish roars with their child’s failures.  Parents’ lives are entwined with that of their child and no one should ignore that fact.  Thus, it is easy to see that sometimes emotions get in the way of better judgment.  But, at the same time it is the fact that there are so many parents on those sidelines experiencing the same thing that leads me to say parents are the answer to not allowing those emotions go wild off the field.

According to Dr. Keith Wilson, the founder of the El Paso Method of parent conditioning, “every parent on the sideline has the ability to keep the other parents around them from being drawn into the tunnel vision that leads to problems.  There is nothing magical involved, instead, it is actually things you tell your children everyday that will also help parents learn from one another.  The principles involved are very simple.”

The simple rules to allow parent to be the answer to youth sports violence are:

1. Cheer for both teams when they do something well.  Admire a good pass, a nice shot or a tremendous goal no matter which team was responsible.  When parents from the “other side” hear you genuinely acknowledging their children’s success they will be much more likely to reciprocate and much less likely to lose focus on the fact that this is a child’s game they are watching.  In essence it is the do unto others principal all over again!

2. Talk to parents from the other team.  Contrary to popular belief they are not the enemy.  They are just like you!  So, when you take a moment to say hello so someone in the stands, and if nothing else find out how far they came from to get to the game today, you will not only break the tension of the competition.  But, you may also make a friend.  Friends are good things to find too!

3. BREATHE!  Although it seems simple when you start to feel the pace of the game rise and the tension build in the pit of your stomach there is nothing better than breathing.  But, do not focus on taking in a deep breath.  If you pay attention when you take in a deep breath your chest muscles will actually tighten.  Instead, focus on a long slow exhale to each breath.  A ten count of nice slow breathing should help restore your focus and help you to not get over involved in the event.  Although I am not a parent myself I do not think there are many parents out there who have never counted to ten, five or three with their children!

4. Finally use each other as a resource.  When someone begins to get overly vehement about referee calls, fouls in the game or the fact that “it is just not fair” talk to them.   Please note… I did not say yell at them to shut up!  As a group of parents if you have laid the groundwork with the above mentioned steps and politely remind the person that this is a youth sporting event, we are all here together for our kids, and that their child is ok.  This will go a long way in helping the situation stay under control.  It is much easier to keep someone from going into the tunnel vision that leads to parent violence than it is to drag them out once they have gone under it’s spell.

So you see when you look at it this way parents really are the answer to the ills of youth sports today.  By following a few simple instructions that you have probably given your children a dozen times you can help foster the environment that will most benefit your children and be part of the answer to a chronic problem in our society today.

Many Parents Are Confused About What To Feed Young Athletes

Myths About Sports Nutrition Abound
A new, first-of-its-kind survey conducted for the American Dietetic Association's sports nutrition practice group, SCAN (Sports, Cardiovascular and Wellness Nutritionists), finds that many parents are confused about the right foods and fluids to give their kids who play sports.

The survey polled parents of children between the ages of six and 12 years old involved in organized sports. The key findings included:

What Parents Do Know

On the bright side, the survey found that:

• 85% of parents knew that an active child participating in sports requires does not require more vitamins than a child not involved in sports. “The majority of kids can get adequate vitamins through their daily diet, although as an insurance policy, parents can give their kids a daily vitamin supplement that meets 100% of recommended levels,” says Dr. Steen.

• More than 50% of parents surveyed also recognized an ideal example of a pre-game meal was one high in carbohydrates, with more than 55 percent of parents selecting spaghetti with tomato sauce and bread as an appropriate pre-game meal. According to Dr. Steen, other pre-game meal pointers include making sure your kids have the right fluids to stay hydrated such as low-fat milk, water, fruit juice or a sports drink.

Survey Findings Are Cause For Concern Says MomsTeam Expert

According to survey consultant and MomsTeam.com expert, Suzanne Nelson Steen, D.Sc., R.D., the results of the survey confirm what she's seen first-hand for years. The results are cause for concern, given more than 30 million children and adolescents participate in organized sports in the United States each year, according to The American Academy of Pediatrics. Moreover, nearly half the parents surveyed indicated their kids are participating in organized sports, including games and practices, more than five hours per week. “Many parents and coaches are misinformed when it comes the best foods and fluids for their young athletes,” said Dr. Steen. “With all the conflicting nutrition information out there, parents are having a hard time separating fact from fiction and there's a huge need to get the right information out.”

"When "excellence" is the goal, everyone is a winner!" (Part 1)"
By Daniel Frankl, Ph.D.,
Associate Professor Kinesiology and Nutritional Science

Legendary UCLA Basketball coach, Dr. John Robert Wooden, winner of an unprecedented and unmatched ten (including seven consecutive--1966-73) NCAA Men's Basketball championships during a 40 year career 885-203 win-loss record, simply describes himself as "teacher."

"When the game is over, I want your head up--and I know that you did your best...This means to do the best you can do. That's the best; no one can do more...You made that effort."  "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are." (John Wooden)

When "excellence" is the goal, everyone is a winner! Some of the most common forms of child abuse take place on athletic fields.

The Coach
As a group coaches are often criticized for their overemphasis on winning and their overly serious attitude toward the league experience. Most studies, however, point out that in general Little League coaches get involved for the love of the game and for the love of their participating child. Coaches that angrily shout criticism from the sidelines are not appreciated or liked as are relaxed, supportive, and knowledgeable coaches who emphasize the improvement and learning of new skills. Coaches that develop close and personal relationships with the child and her/his parents are the most likely to contribute to a positive learning experience. Coaches are first and foremost role models and teachers. Good coaching is not about producing winning teams; it's about asking every day before practice or a game: "Is what we're planning to do today in the best interest of the kids?" The best lesson a coach can teach is that playing fairly makes everyone a winner, and that:

"To be an athlete, you first must learn -- that it's 'self-respect' you'll have to earn.  You must conquer you, or you'll surely get beat, because you are the one, against whom you compete -- Robert L. Kleine

"If there were no sports, life would be easier because you wouldn't have to go play games every other day" -- Anonymous

Fifth grade student from Colorado Springs -- "I stopped going to gymnastics and soccer because after a while it became like work, no fun...I used to like it." (Eleven year-old, San Fernando Valley, CA)

Why Coach?
"They ask me why I coach... And I reply... Where could I find more splendid company? -- Glennice L. Harmon

Principles of Proper Instruction
Boys and girls ages 5-7 can play together equally. Younger children may participate with older ones. The dividing factor should be devised by a combination of skill level, size, and fitness, and not chronological age and/or gender. If children are not learning and improving their skills, it can't be fun. If it isn't fun, children won't want to come back to play soccer. So be prepared, know the game and the proper skill progressions, and provide the child with numerous opportunities to explore and discover through active participation. Whatever we decide to do during the 10 short weeks of Soccer League, we should never forget that it is the "needs of the kids that we are here to serve and not our own.

"So let's adopt a "child centered approach to coaching and competition.  Athletics does not develop character. Athletics reveals character." -- James Michener

Note that:  "Sports are most rewarding when the judge of skill and the definer of challenge is the individual athlete. That is when the athlete receives two rewards: the joy of participating and the satisfaction of learning to know oneself." -- Ewing & Seefeldt